So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
