Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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