he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
