How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
