I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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