When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
