Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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