The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
