I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
