I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
