I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
