Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
