I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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