so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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