I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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