I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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