i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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