No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
