Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
