Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
