I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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