He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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