haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
