I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
