Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
