I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well most of my day revolves around power hour
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
