We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
