Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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