i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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