I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
