That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
