We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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