Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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