Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
