you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
