Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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