What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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