I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
