How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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