you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
