people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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