Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
