Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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