i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
MIDGETS
????
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
