Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the condom got lost in my hair
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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