so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
