i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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