I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
