If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
