If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
