Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
