No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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