I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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