I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
