I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
