the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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